Dear
_________,
My
name is Nicole Cohen, and I am a student at Antioch University. I’m currently
working on a writing project for my Academic Writing class. I am contacting you
in hopes of setting up an appointment to interview you and to learn more about
your organization, ____________.
Having
my concentration in the Communications field, I feel as though I could really
benefit by learning more about how your organization works and interconnects proficiently.
I am excited to hopefully have a chance to meet with you to discuss the way you
use writing to communicate effectively.
Any
information or artifacts you can give me will help me in my quest to better
understand forms of communication, and why writing is necessary for an
organization such as your own would be more than appreciated. If you are open,
I would like to meet with you some time this month. I really appreciate your
time. Feel free to call or email me.
Thank
you,
Nicole
Cohen
702-374-2435
I think your email draft is great! The introduction is awesome because you naturally introduce yourself from the start while also referencing academia. I also like how you were prompt in your request.
ReplyDeleteIn your second paragraph second sentence, I think the word "Hopefully" weakens the sentence. If you omit the word "Hopefully" I feel the sentence is a bit more confident and poised.
Your final paragraph was awesome in how you effectively expressed appreciation for their time and value, as well as how much you would gain from the experience. I think your honesty and genuine warm nature come through in this draft. I cant imagine why you would have difficulty getting initial conversations developed.
Your approach was trustworthy and easy to connect with. Great job!